Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month is observed in October of each year. It’s a time to remember and share the pain of loss with families who have lost a child.

Maternal infant loss is a heartbreaking experience that affects many families worldwide each year. It includes the loss of a baby during pregnancy, at birth or shortly after. The emotional and psychological toll on parents can be immense, making it difficult for them to seek help. It’s crucial for both individuals and communities to offer meaningful support after a family has experienced this loss.

The impact of maternal infant loss

Maternal infant loss is a critical issue, with statistics shedding light on the prevalence and impact of this tragedy:

• Miscarriage: According to the American Pregnancy Association, approximately 10-25% of known pregnancies end in miscarriage. However, the actual number might be higher since many miscarriages occur before a woman even realizes she is pregnant.
• Stillbirth: The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) reports that about 1 in 175 pregnancies in the United States ends in stillbirth. This term refers to the loss of a baby at 20 weeks of gestation or later.
• Neonatal death: The World Health Organization (WHO) estimates around 2.4 million neonatal deaths occur annually worldwide. Neonatal death is defined as the death of a baby within the first 28 days of life.
• Impact on families: Studies indicate the emotional impact of losing a baby can be profound and long-lasting. A 2020 study published in The Lancet found that parents who experienced a stillbirth or neonatal death are at a higher risk of developing mental health issues, including depression and anxiety.

How to support parents after infant loss

Supporting parents through the grieving process requires sensitivity, empathy and practical assistance. Here are some ways to offer meaningful support:

1. Acknowledge the loss. One of the most important things you can do is to acknowledge the loss. Avoiding the topic may make parents feel isolated or that their grief is not valid. Offer your condolences and let them know you’re thinking of them. A simple, heartfelt message can mean a lot. Avoid statements that may minimize the loss such as, “They are in a better place,” “You can try again,” “Everything happens for a reason,” or “It wasn’t meant to be.”
2. Provide emotional support. Grief can be a complex and personal journey. Listen without judgment and don’t offer advice unless they ask for it. Sometimes, just being there and allowing parents to express their feelings can provide significant comfort.
3. Offer practical help. Grieving parents may find it difficult to manage daily tasks. Offering practical help such as cooking meals, running errands or taking care of household chores can relieve some of their burdens. These gestures can be invaluable during a time when everything feels overwhelming.
4. Respect their grieving process. Everyone grieves differently. Some may want to talk about their loss and remember their baby, while others may prefer to process their loss privately. Respect their choices and let them guide the process of how and when they want to discuss their loss.
5. Encourage professional support. Grieving parents may benefit from professional support, such as counseling or support groups. Encourage them to seek help from a therapist who specializes in grief or join support groups where they can connect with others who have experienced similar losses.
6. Remember special dates. Anniversaries, birthdays and other significant dates can be particularly hard. Remembering these dates and reaching out with a supportive message or gesture can show you’re still thinking of them and honoring their baby's memory.
7. Create a supportive environment. If you’re a friend or family member, be mindful of how you talk about the loss. Avoid minimizing their grief or offering clichés. Instead, validate their feelings and acknowledge their loss.
8. Offer long-term support. The impact of infant loss does not disappear after a few weeks. Continue to offer support and check in on the grieving parents in the months and even years following the loss. Grief can be a long-term journey, and ongoing support can make a significant difference.

Written by Hallie Burt, Life Design maternity counselor for Buckner Children and Family Services.

Buckner offers counseling, family coaching and support through a variety of our programs. If you are in need of specific resources related to maternal infant loss, postpartum anxiety and more, here’s a list of available resources available.